their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
