you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
