You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
