You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
