Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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