she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
