Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
