Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
