dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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