well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
