She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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