I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
