Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
