Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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