I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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