Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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