he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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