There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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