cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I enjoy the company of your penis
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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