He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
