I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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