I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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