i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
