He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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