The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
