yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
