Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
