when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
