His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
