Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
