I haven't been this sober since birth.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
