I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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