I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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