well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
