im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
