Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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