Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
