So drunk its hurt
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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