Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
