U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
