youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
