office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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