Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
