Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
