After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
