There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
