Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
