i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
