just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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