I was born with a shot glass in my hand
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
