saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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