it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
