The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
